Avoiding PPD.

It is amazing what happens to a woman's body during pregnancy, birth, and then even post partum. Physically and emotionally - you are never quite the same.

After I delivered Anslee, I remember looking at her for the first time and melting. She could not be in my arms fast enough. Instant, unconditional, overwhelming love rushed through me. It was just as I had hoped. I was surprised that when we brought her home, I was quite "weepy". I was nervous that I was not properly equipped to keep her healthy and thriving. It lasted about 6 weeks, and then I felt like myself again. I still had hard days - but for the most part, I felt pretty emotionally stable.

Fast forward 2 short years later. I deliver my most precious Kens. The anxiety began with her 2 hours before she was born. I was in the hospital, getting IV'd up, and laying there waiting on the doctor to prepare for the repeat C-section. Strange feelings were coming over me. I was the most nervous I had ever been in my life. I literally was uncomfortable in my own skin and kept telling Tyler that I just wanted to pack up and go home. In that moment, I would have rather stayed pregnant. I was scared, and I really wanted to be home with Anslee. (Not to mention, it was getting close to her bedtime and I was really concerned she would not go to bed for anyone else but me or Tyler...so naturally, as I am about to have major surgery, I am worrying about my toddlers sleep.) I wanted to run away from the hospital as fast as I could. I was ready to meet Kensington, but I was so scared of so much - and I was confused about why I was feeling this way. Then she came! I remember seeing her for the first time and LOVING her with all that was in me - but I didn't feel an instant connection to her. I was so preoccupied with her health stats and the incessant itching that was overtaking me from the medication they had given me before the surgery that I could not seem to focus on finding a connection. She nursed liked a champ, and then screamed. And then screamed some more. Then screamed louder. I was so concerned something was wrong with her and I was so sad that my holding her didn't seem to comfort her. My 2 years of mom experience meant nothing - and I was back at square 1. My head was spinning.

My head was spinning for the next VERY challenging 3.5 months. We had a hard time adjusting to being a family of 4, and it sent me into a dangerous downward spiral of sadness. The first time I felt a strong emotional to Kensington was when I saw her smile for the first time at 5 weeks old. She continued to cry a LOT and I continued to not be able to comfort her despite my constant efforts to do so, and so I lost all confidence in myself as a mother - and at the time, that meant my world came crashing down all around me.

I knew I was suffering from post partum depression after Kensington turned 7-8 weeks old. Colic was peaking. One day during this week of her life she was awake for 7 hours in a row. For a newborn, this age - the longest they are awake including the time it takes them to feed is between 60-65 minutes. You can imagine my going crazy.

I didn't want to hurt her, but I also didn't want to hold her. When I became totally aware of this feeling - I immediately called the doctor. It could not be healthy if I didn't want to hold my new baby, who I loved so much. You have to understand, its hard to have a deep desire to hold your child when holding them won't comfort them. It only reminded me that I was unable to comfort her, and that I was failing at the most important job of my life. Oh sweet defeat.

I talked with my doctor and started on some medication. It was helpful! It wasn't the cure all, but it was the small boost I needed. Colic ended at about 3.5 months - and I was off all medication by the time she was 7 months old. Life became somewhat predictable, I was fully connected to my girl and I felt good.

When Kensington was just under 11 months old - in the second week of December of 2011 - it became evident that I needed to take a pregnancy test. Surprise! Laynee was on the way. Wait. Didn't life just return back to "normal"?  That day I saw the word "pregnant" come up on the test was the day I began praying for our family to not take the adventure back into dark again. We just could not handle that. I could not do that to Tyler again. I could not pull my family back through the fire again. They didn't deserve it, and neither did I.

July 31st 2012 rolls around, and Laynee joins our family. Thankfully, when God promises us something, he honors his word. He promised to hear me when I cried out to him, and he answered me. I didn't want to run away from the hospital this time. I was thrilled to meet her. When I saw her for the first time over the curtain, she took my breath away, and I needed to hold her. She didn't scare me. I relaxed. When I tried to nurse her for the first time, and it went terribly, I didn't stress. I knew I would get to try again. Then, when it was difficult every single time in the hospital that I attempted feeding her, I stayed relaxed. It was ok. I was happy!

Now, as I adjusted to life with 3 kids all 3 years old and under, I had some moments that were difficult and yes, tears were shed. I had low moments from time to time - but never anything like before. Thank goodness.

Laynee turned 14 months old, and we were trucking through day to day life comfortably. It was early October and I had been needing to go ahead and take a pregnancy test for about week based on my cycle, but I refused. I thought "no way." There is just no way. Oh way. There is always a way. I finally went and bought the cheapest test I could find - but I didn't need the test to show the results for me to know. I already knew. Hello, Wynn!

Starting in late February, anxiety started to over take me. I laid in bed one night and almost lost my breath because I was so scared. I began letting Satan speak to me. I was certain that I was doomed to PPD again. That feeling of wanting to run away? It came back - but I was at home! I wasn't even at the hospital yet!

So. Here I am now, about 8-9 weeks away from delivery again. I don't know what the hospital experience will be like this time. I don't know if I will want to crawl out of skin or if I will be cool, calm, and collected. What I do know, is that I can use this time I have between today and the day of her birth to prepare as best as I can to beat the possibility of falling into the fire again. Here is what I am doing

1. Talking to Jesus. All the time.
I am asking Jesus to take the burden. I am letting him go before me, and asking him to equip me for whatever is to come. I am asking him to speak to me, too. He is. His word is good and soothes my soul.

1 Peter 5:7
"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."

Psalm 119: 143
" Trouble and distress have come upon me, but your commands give me delight."

Psalm 94:19
"When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy."

Phillipians 4:6-7
"Do NOT be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition , with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

The more I have reached out for God's wisdom on anxiety and depression I have found that it can all be born from worry over things that are 1.) meaningless 2.) totally out of our own control and that when we do hand over worry to Christ, we find joy on the other side. Again, Christ gives us hope when we are uncertain!

2. Talking with Tyler.
Since that night in February, when I was almost paralyzed by my fear and anxiousness - I have been in continual conversation with Tyler. He knows what I am thinking and feeling. He is my prayer partner and has lifted me up time and time again since we first began this conversation. He is my support when I start to let it take over me again. He is my home base, bringing me back to where I need to be, resting in God's promise to bring me joy when anxiety is great within. He reminds me what we have studied and what God has said about how to handle my worries. Tyler is present, and aware, and everything I need him to be.

3. Talking with the Doctor.
I just want my doctor to have a heads up (so to speak) about my history (which he knows) and my fears this time around as well. I think being proactive "just in case" can never really be a negative thing. It puts my mind at ease to know that Jesus, Tyler, and Dr. Neel can all know where I stand. I feel my support team could not be more beefed up!

4. Thinking Realistically.
I want to have perspective. I want to be fully aware that yes, post partum depression is real and can happen to me. It can be a demon that I actually have to wrestle with. Having an instant connection isn't always a promise. It may take some time, and thats ok. If that happens to me and Wynn, thats ok. Its not ideal, but its a real possibility. Nursing may be difficult. I just want to let go and try again if that happens. I want to not be in denial about anything. I want to be shocked about nothing. I want to know the possibilities. Wynn could be a tough baby. Or she could be an angel baby. Who knows. God gives me what he gives me, and I thank him for that - no matter how he packages her. I want to approach her early days with a clear mind and a heart that is at ease. I think perspective can play a big role in how I respond to what happens, therefore, what mental state I will find myself in.

5. Hospital Care.
I am going to take full advantage of being taken care of in the hospital. I am going to rest and a hold and feed a baby. Thats it. I am going to fall asleep when I can and when I want. I am going to eat whatever I want too. I am going to enjoy visitors. I am going to not change a single diaper. I am also going to the hospital with certain items that I think will be calming and relaxing to me. My own pillow, new pajamas, and I am looking into bringing some essential oils to diffuse in my room with me - if that is allowed. Basically, I am going to use those two days to get to know Wynn, and let my body begin healing.

There are several things I plan on doing after bringing Wynn home to help myself in avoiding depression as well. I guess I just feel like if I can have a plan before the time comes, I am that much ahead of the game. It can't hurt, right?

After we are at home I plan too:

1.Talk to Jesus.
I just know that I have to have total dependence on him. I can't mother 4 children effectively without him. I can't mother 1 child effectively without him. There is nothing in me that can raise little lives, but thankfully he can. He can use me, and he has chosen me to parent these 4 baby girls - but I know that without his guidance, strength, and spirit I would fail and would fail each one of them. Talking to Jesus and meeting with him will be so very important, and I have to make that relationship the strongest priority or everything will crumble before my feet.

2. Be self aware.
I will need to pay close attention to my feelings and emotions. I will need to be able to recognize the difference between being a little "weepy" and falling fast into a place I don't want to go. I will ask Tyler to also keep a close on me and help me in acknowledging what I am really dealing with. Hormones will certainly contribute to my handling our "everyday" - but if it becomes more than something hormones can really explain I need to be clear headed enough to notice. I know that this is a possibility - so being prepared just in case will be beneficial.

3. Focus on the Blessings, less on the struggles.
There are sure to be struggles. There are sure to be hard days. It is promised that this life is less than perfect, and its easy to become fixated on the things that make it an imperfect experience. Its easy to begin to worry about missed naps and get worked up over a pre-schooler that isn't following through with my plan for her "first time obedience". These things can quickly shadow the moments that should be so bright in our day - like when the almost kinder kid makes her and her sisters beds without being asked, or when they thank me over and over for a meal they have had a million times. These are things I need to work on now - with no regard to being pregnant and having a baby!

4. Find our routine.
Our human nature needs normalcy. I mean - do we not eat 3 times a day (ha! or 6, but who is counting?) Do we not sleep at night and be productive during the day? Do these things usually take place at the same time each day? Yes. Order. We need it. I plan to work hard to ease this baby into our sweet routine that is already in place. It may take her a while to catch on, but even babies thrive off of knowing what is coming next and take so much comfort in that. I will provide that for her - but for us, as well. In doing so, I will find security in knowing what needs to be done or taken care of next. A plan of action that I know makes sense sounds good to me.

5. Give myself some GRACE.
Jesus gives me grace, so if the son of God can look at me and have mercy on me - I can have mercy on myself. I will forgive myself when I mess up. I will not hold myself to such a standard of excellence that I can't realistically meet. I have only been a mama for a little over 5 years - I mean in the school of mommy, I haven't even began MY kinder year. I am a work in progress and will strive to do good, but pick myself up when I fall.

6. ASK FOR HELP
I have so struggled with being too prideful to accept help in the past. I am going to really allow people who are willing, help me. Its ok for me to not be good at doing this 4 kid thing alone during the day. I don't have to have a perfect ebb and flow to my day from the day I get home from the hospital. I will need help and support and I will be ok with taking it this time. (Mom, if you are reading this - gear up. Sometimes you are 30 years old and still need your own mama to take care of you.) This will be harder for me than I am thinking right now, I think - but I am going to do my best to remember that having it all together without any reinforcements isn't something I can find self worth in!

I am hoping to hear from anyone who is still reading what avoiding PPD tips you may have. I really am 100% committed to being fully prepared to fight the monster - should it so attack - and am open to any kind of advice from others!

25 Weeks

When I was pregnant with Anslee 9 months was eternity.

It liked to have never happened. 

I really thought the pregnancy part would never end.

It was torment waiting to meet her.

Now that we are on round 4 - I can't stay pregnant long enough.

Not that I don't want to meet precious Wynn,

but I really want to meet her when things are done - 

and say....

She has a place to live. Call me crazy.

This pregnancy is FLYING by. I mean we are non-stop,
and it seems like there will never be enough time to prepare.

So I am 25 weeks along, and overall - this pregnancy has been

like the other 3. Pretty textbook - for me.

She measures small, just like the others.

I never had first trimester morning sickness.

My back aches. I am a pregnant insomniac.

Heartburn every now and again.

No swelling (yet) hoping for none at all.

A little anemic. Nothing to take super great concern too.

All the usual.

One difference: I had a random bout of "morning sickness"

between 20-21 weeks. Yuck. That was horrible to experience.

Very inconvenient to have 3 kids - need to puke at little to no notice - 

and never want to eat anything ever. 

Oh - and I basically started showing before I knew I was even pregnant this time.

If that counts as a difference.

I started to feel flutters probably around 18 weeks.

Now, I feel more substantial movement, though she is not super active.

Just active enough to remind me that there is real life inside me.

I have NOT been able to work out as much as I would like too.

I can't go for runs in the jogging stroller because I have 3 kids and double stroller - 

I CAN go to the gym just twice a week while the big girls are in school and I just have L.

Then, a lot of times once I finally get the opportunity to - I am beat tired.

I do go to a step class twice a week, and try to walk on our treadmill 

as often as I can wake up at 5:30 am to do so.

 I am blessed with a healthy baby girl and a body that is still able.

And because everyone needs a bump selfie - 

here you go. 25 weeks with my Wynn!

Anslee.

My sweet Anslee turned 5 years old on January 22nd. 5! That is so far past baby. You know how I know this? Babycenter.com has sent me weekly updates on this sweet girl since she was born. On her fifth birthday, instead of referring to her "Your Pre-Schooler this week" they sent me an email with the subject line saying "Your BIG KID this week." I would be lying if that little change didn't slap me in the face when I read it!

Who is she? Character Development:

Anslee really does astound me everyday by showing me aspects of her personality that I think will carry on through her lifetime. I really believe I am seeing parts of her that will remain with her be the foundation to the person she is to become one day. Anslee is natural rule follower. I am pretty sure it has never crossed her mind to get up out of bed on her own, though she has the physical ability to do so. She was told when she moved into a big girl bed to stay put until given permission to get up, and that is what she does. Anslee will be wide awake every morning when I get her out of bed - but will not so much as put her feet on the floor until she is told she allowed. For nap time, she rarely sleeps now - but stays in my bed for 2 hours and rests until she is told she can get up and come out. I really believe that she will do this willingly because I feel like this is her time to be alone, and she has a strong need for alone time. I am learning that re-fuels herself by taking this time to simply be by herself.  She craves order and structure and thrives when she is within her boundaries. She gets confused when I take a back road home, and tells me I must be going the wrong way. Learning is fun for her. Understanding how things work is like a game for her. I have had to explain to her how pipes work, how a refrigerator stays cold, how our bones grow, etc. She is really curious to know how the world around her works. Anslee is a comforter. She is sensitive to others feelings and emotions! She quiets her sisters with a big hug and "its ok!" when they are upset. When Kensington gets really excited (which is often!) Ans really celebrates with her and shares in the excitement. She even one time asked if she could get a spank so Kens didn't have too! Many times, she has seen me cry, and has comforted me - and nothing is more humbling than having your child tell you things are going to be ok. Really. Anslee is a little bit of a perfectionist. She practices a skill over and over until she is satisfied. Ask her to show you a cartwheel. If the first one is not to her liking - she will make you watch again. Then again, if needed. Along with this - she is easily frustrated when something does not come easily and quickly to her. Patience is something we may struggle with as she grows. She is still a bit shy and timid, but really loves to be in social/school/church group settings. Since she has always been exposed to these outlets - she is comfortable there, though she may not be the most outspoken in the group.

Spiritual development: My sweet girl fully understands right from wrong. She understands why she needs to be sorry when she chooses wrong. We talk about Jesus and we talk to Jesus quite a bit with Anslee, and I am starting to see him draw her close. She understands that Jesus died on the cross so we can be with him one day forever. She has worked very hard on scripture memory this past semester, and knows most of the 3rd chapter of Proverbs (which is 35 verses). Now, with her pre-school, she is learning Matthew 7. I hope that by memorizing these - her heart be forever penetrated by his word. She will come to claim Jesus as her savior one day. Even now, I know she is not mine - but I am giddy thinking about the day where she realizes who she truly belongs too. I can't wait to let her know that he loves her more than I do - and more than I will ever be able.

What she knows. Her smarts:
Anslee is a bright kiddo! Like I mentioned before, she is curious and LOVES learning. At 5, she knows all her letters and their respective phonics, can tell the difference between capitol and lower case letters, reads several sight words, and works really hard to sound out what she doesn't immediately recognize. Some kids are much further along at this age, but I am super proud of where she is at. I think I am just most relieved that learning keeps her attention - and that the desire to know more and more is there and strong. She can do simple addition and simple subtraction - and really understands the concepts of adding to something and taking away. Patterns are her favorite thing right now. She turns everything into a "AABB pattern mama! Look at your shirt mama! Its an AABB!" Puzzles and problem solving are very much her thing. (This is not my cup of tea, so it has been interesting for me to know about her!) I let her help me in the kitchen a lot, measuring things out. She really gets into that - and so I feel like she is very math/science driven. Ha! I won't be able to really help her much from here on out. Daddy to the rescue there, since that is the way his mind is geared as well! I think there are 5 year old kiddos who are probably further along in their "academic" abilities than her, and probably a lot who are not nearly up to the speed she is - so we feel like she will perfectly prepared to go from the pre-school years to the school years. We are mostly just thankful that the desire to understand things is there and she takes a genuine interest in learning new things.

Anslee is a tiny little girl version of her daddy. They relate on so many levels, and I think its so neat to see how naturally she comes by being so much like him. She thinks and reasons like he does, she is quiet and cooperative like he is, she is reserved but comfortable with people she doesn't know that well - while silly and talkative and inquisitive with the people she knows best. She serves others by helping even when is not asked too, and when she is asked to help - she jumps up happily to pitch in. Just like her daddy. Just skating by to get something done would not satisfy her. It has to be done all the way, and the right way to be to her standards. I love her determination.

All in all, we could not be more proud of how the last 5 years have grown on her. So many days I wonder what I did to deserve the gift of being her mother. Then I remember that my being her (and her sisters) mother is God's story of grace in my life. God looked on me with grace and gave me her. God looks on me with grace as I make mistake after mistake while raising her. She is gracious to me - still loving me when I fail her - and immediately offering forgiveness to me in those moments. I did nothing to deserve her -its all because God loves me and granted me the long time desire of my heart in giving her to me.

Girl Mom FOUR life! (and a name!)

Last Wednesday we had a super important 

Doctor appointment for baby.

The anticipation for this appointment DOES NOT LESSEN

with the number of pregnancies you have.

Anatomy Scan.

Put simply:

Boy or Girl

Pink or Blue

JUST.TELL.ME.

(well, this is true if you are the finding out type - if you are not,

I envy your patience. I absolutely must know, lest I drive myself and anyone 

around me into crazy.)

I had the first appointment of the day. I love this for 2 reasons:

1. You weigh less in the morning. Always.

(not that I let them tell me my weight anyway - yes, I turn backwards on the scale

and threaten the nurse so she is sure not to tell me.)

2. You get in quicker, and for this appointment - waiting was not going to do anyone any good.

Here I am. Waiting super impatiently for Dr. Neel to get there. I am a few days shy of 20 weeks,

so it was time to find out!! EEEK!

 The Doctor came in, and did the ultrasound (he does his own, he doesn't use a tech,

which I suppose is pretty uncommon.)

He said everything looked really good, and I was measuring a few days small - 

which is consistent with how I do pregnancy. Every.time. 

Heartbeat was a perfect 148, and again - no matter how many times you are pregnant - 

that sound is always reassuring, and beautiful.

We had instructed Dr. Neel to NOT tell us as the ultrasound was taking place

what the gender was. We asked if would please write it down and seal it in an

evenlope. 

Dr. Neel thinks he is super funny - and this is how he sealed it for us:

It was taped twice on the back. It was stapled 9 times across the top.

We took the chastity envelope home,

immediately walked to the couch,

and spent approximately the next 22 minutes trying to open it.

We open it to find a piece of paper that was folded 17 times (and taped at each fold)

We opened it -

and if we were thinking we would have taken a picture of that paper - 

but we didnt.

Needless to say, 

it said:

GIRL!!!

We were so thrilled!

We should have known, but we were still shocked!

Raising girls is such a gift, and a challenge

and we feel like the Lord has called us to something larger 

than ourselves by granting us the privilege of raising

daughters of his Kingdom!

Tyler is so excited. He feels equipped and ready for battle.

He has assured me (by who he is) that 

I will have 4 girls that will grow up without daddy issues.

I can think of no better gift he could give me in this lifetime.

These 4 will grow up knowing they are first the Lord's. Then,

they will understand that they are of true value to their parents.

They will never questions if they are good enough, or if they measure up.

They will always know they are enough.

They will never search for something emotionally they can't get at home.

I am so blessed. So blessed.

A house full of dolls.

Guess what? Sweet girl #4 is even being called by name now!

Our precious Wynn,

We pray for your growing body inside of me,

and we pray desperately for the soul already growing inside of you.

You are loved and wanted and treasured.

We can't wait to meet you - 

to know who God is creating you to be!

Oh happy day! Our God is so good. 

Praise and Glory to his name!

MixandMatchMama and Pinterest Told Me To Giveaway!

Friends! I am so excited!

Shay over at MixandmatchMama and Sheaffer over at Pinterest Told Me To are 

hosting their fabulous 12 Days of Giveaways and they are

giving away an 

AMP MD ROLLER SYSTEM 

from ME - to one of her lucky readers!

You guys this tool is beyond amazing.

In literally ONE MINUTE of use,

it will ROLL AWAY not only

FINE LINES - 

but 

ACNE SCARS

and even...

STRETCH MARKS.

Its incredible - and its not even available for purchase until the beginning of 2014 - 

so to get your hands on this baby now is a real treat!

Hop over to MixandMatchMama   and check out Pinterest Told Me To for details to enter!

ALSO:

anyone who decides to become a PREFERRED CUSTOMER with me

before the end of the giveaway - will receive your choice of :

Our award winning MULTI-FUNCTION EYE CREAM,

SUNLESS TANNER, or

LIP MICRODERM STICK

You can check out my website here:

Shea at Rodan and Fields

Here we go again!

Well- it's time to tell the world, (because my tummy is already "speaking" out) that we are expecting another blessing in the form of a baby in June of 2014!

To answer your questions:

1. No, this was not planned! We were stunned, as we thought this really was not a possibility!

2. Yes, we are excited. We feel so humbled that even though we often don't feel fit to parent the 3 angels we have, The Lord finds it a part of his perfect will to have another child of his to be be raised by us.

3. We are 12 weeks, and the due date is June 6. (I am 12 weeks based on this date) The scheduled c-section would be set for around May 31st. Let's be real- my body has never gone to 38 weeks. It's safe to say, we will have a baby end of May.

4. This will be our last, as permanent medical procedures are being set in place to ensure this as real truth. The Lord has graced us so much in our journey as parents, and we know that will continue with the 4 we will soon have.

5. We would appreciate your support. It's common for families to have 2 or 3 children, but past that, when you tell people about adding to your family...you get a lot of strange looks. You get a lot of whispers behind your back, and that doesn't feel good. Each life that God knits together has purpose and deserves to be celebrated. We want this baby to be as loved upon as Anslee was as the first child we welcomed into our family.

6. We would love a boy. We would love to add another girl to this crew. Either way- we have great reason to be excited. Either something new to experience, or something we are EXTREMELY familiar/comfortable with. We do have a boy name, though! Our list of girls names has run short over the years.

7. When this baby joins us, Anslee will be 5 years and 4 months old. Kensington will be 3 years and 4 months old. Laynee will be right at 22 months old.

8. No, Laynee will not be potty trained when this baby is born. I wouldn't know what to do if I potty trained a toddler without having an infant around while doing so...so to keep history the same....

9. We will find out the gender in January!

10. I am feeling ok- out of 4 pregnancies, I've never thrown up in the first trimester, so that is wonderful! I just mainly can't keep my eyes open. My bedtime for the last 10 weeks had been 9 or so. Ha!

So...here we go again!

Shea Moses
Rodan and Fields Executive Consultant

The Problem With McDonalds

On rainy days, hot days, or cold days

I like to do 1 of 2 things with the girls.

1. Go to the library.

2. Let them ransack the only play place in Brownwood, Texas.

McDonalds.

Today it was hot and rainy and we had just been to the library last week,

so McDonalads it was.

It seems like there is a situation that occurs everytime we go to McDonalds.

One time, Kensington peed in the top of the play area.

Everyone had to come down and it had to be cleaned.

From time to time we witness CPS supervised visitation meetings between

biological parents and their kids who have been placed in the foster care system.

Its always really awkward and little sad for me to watch. 

I hate that for all parties involved in those visits. It can't be easy.

I have seen the bully kids.

I have seen 12 year old playing the 3 and under area.

My kids have been cussed in front of by other young kids.

I once saw a young pre-school age boy who could not keep his pants

on for some strange reason.

Today was another one of those days and I have another story.

A little boy came up to Kensington while we were eating.

He had a rocketship toy in his hand and put it up to her head

(as if it were a toy gun).

He said,

"I'm gonna shoot you dead."

Kensington and Anslee just looked back at him,

they had no idea what he was trying to "play".

Thank goodness they were confused.

Yall. I didnt know what to do. His guardians (who looked to be grandparents, possibly?)

were on the other side of the play area and did not see or hear any of this take place.

I just said, Oh - we don't play like that. Thats not a nice way to play with friends.

He ran off and didn't come back.

I just told my girls after he left that it is never

"fun" to play using the words "shoot" and "dead".

We don't need to pretend like thats a fun way to play.

I don't think they really understood too much of what was going on -

But it just makes me sad that I had to have this type of conversation with my 2.5 year old.

It was probably totally innocent play, and that little boy probably had seen something 

on TV or maybe has older siblings, or a daddy that goes hunting or something.

Who knows.  

I just know it didn't sit well with me - someone pretending to shoot my daughter dead.

There are just times when I don't really know what to say or how to handle

little moments like these that will come up. 

What would you do? Could I have done something better?

Am I making this a bigger deal than it should be?

Sometimes, I am just still a silly first time mama!