Saturday, October 3, 2015

Wynn is 16 months, and why its more than just another month.

This post and all the emotion surrounding its content has been swirling around in my head since May 28, 2014 - the day she was born. She is 16 months old now. She is walking (well, when she chooses) and has 12 teeth, and talks/jabbers non-stop. She plays with her sisters happily everyday. She still takes two solid naps. She is smart. So smart. Understands so much. Mostly, she is happy. She has been a dream baby, and is easing her way nicely into toddlerhood. We love her with ever fiber of our being. But really, this post isn't at all about what she is up to now, or milestones or anything. Her turning 16 months old is hard different for me.

I have never had a 16 month old in my home without also growing a new baby growing inside of me at the same time.

When Anslee turned 16 months old, I had just come to know that Kensington was on the way. She was no bigger than a jelly bean, but I knew she was coming! When I learned of this one's impending arrival, I was scared to death because I could not imagine it being possible to love another the way I loved her. (If only I could tell my "mom of 1" self what I know now to be fully possible, and that for me, love deepens with each child) Little did I know, that from this point on, until I was done having children, would be longest time I would ever go between pregnancies!

Anslee, 22 months old. 1 month later Kensington joined our family

Anslee 25 months old, and Kensington 1 month

When Kensington turned 16 months old I was putting off moving her into Anslee's bedroom so that we could prepare the nursery for our 3rd daughter who would be arriving 2.5 months later. She had a name, Laynee Blair, but not a bedroom. This time I had no fear of not being able to love her the way I loved her sisters. In fact, what I knew was that this baby would make me love my other two even more. We didn't plan for her, but we are so thankful to God that he knew better. When Kensington was a little over 18 months old, we welcomed Laynee to our family.

Announcing our pregnancy with Laynee. Anslee had just turned 3, Kensington had just turned 1.

Laynee's newborn pictures. She was 3 weeks old, Asnlee was 3.5 years and Kensington was not quite 19 months old yet.

When Laynee was 16 months old I was battling the flu. It was awful and I found myself in the emergency room because I couldn't sleep because I felt like I was having trouble breathing, and I was worried about the 16 week old tiny baby I was carrying at the time. I needed reassurance that my having the flu was not harming her/him in any way. We had sent the 3 big girls to their grandparents house because Tyler caught the flu from me, and neither one of us were able to take care of small children.  Two days later we celebrated the last Christmas we would have as just a family of 5. One month later, we learned another sister would join the tribe.

We found out our baby would be a GIRL! Anslee 5, Kensington 3, Laynee 17 months

The last picture I took of these 3 before Wynn was born. She came to us less than a week later.
Anslee was almost 5.5, Kensington almost 3.5, Laynee just turned 22 months

One of their first pictures together as a sister set of 4. Wynn was maybe 2 weeks old here.

Now Wynn is 16 months, and it feels like the end of a really great story. Instead of dreaming up a nursery or scheduling prenatal doctor office visits, I am making sure Anslee is prepared each Friday for her spelling test. Tyler and I are both working hard with Kensington to make sure she is prepared to be a big school girl next year. We are being stretched and humbled in how we need to discipline Laynee. Tyler leaves for 9 days each month to go secure our state national border.  I am coordinating a Mop's group and going to PTO meetings. Our family is happily moving into the next season of life, and so far, it is sweet. Our life is full.

Here she is, 16 months old. No news to share - my only girl who will never be a big sister.

I know I will re-visit these feelings many more times down the road. Like when we celebrate Wynn's 2nd birthday and their isn't a newborn there to celebrate with us. That has never happened here! It will be so nice to actually potty train Wynn without also having to coordinate an infants sleep schedule in the mix of it. The diaper bag will almost be useless.  I better get used to it. For the rest of our life, our family's seasons will shift and I will need to learn to savor the moment we are in, and move confidently forward to what will be. One day we will send Wynn off to college, and I will be left at home - hopefully still knowing I have purpose and gifts to share and use.

This is really the first of all the many season changes that will occur during my period of time where I am parenting.  Just the first small taste of it all, and it has already made me understand more clearly that the time really does go by quickly.  I am still so early in game, with so much more experience to gain in the future.

My hope is to really be able to treasure the sweet times during years, and not to feel bad about forgetting the not-so-fun times that are sure to come in each new chapter of our family's story.

The final four Fall 2015


Catie said...

I feel you on this!! It feels so strange to not be preparing for another baby, but at the same time I'm excited about all these new stages to go through with the kids. I dreamed of the day when my kids might play sports, and now it's here..... And before we know it they will all be potty trained and getting in the car by themselves- can't imagine it right now!

kate @ livinglovinglaughing said...

just gorgeous, it is a bittersweet feeling, thats for sure! such lovely girls, what a blessing xx